For those of you who don’t know, which appears to be most of you (shame!!!), a maaayyyjor album was released back on September 25th, 2015. The album in question: dumblonde by dumblonde. “What is a dumblonde?”, some of you will probably ask. Well, you stupid bitches, it is a supremely underrated dance act formed by Shannon Bex and Aubrey O’Day (Aubrey, don’t get mad that Shannon’s name is first).

But wait, why do those names sound familiar? Because they are former band mates of a legendary band that put up with Diddy, showstopped (dropped and opened up shop, allegedly), became damaged, and made lemonade for the childrens. That legendary band was Danity Kane.

After the band’s flawless, and criminally underrated, sophomore album Welcome to the Dollhouse was released the band split up, ripping gay homes and lives apart. So when the band began talks of reuniting in May of 2013, interest was piqued.

December 2013 rolled around and footage of their House of Blues concert leaked, and shit was hot; standout track “All in a Day’s Work” set ablaze every pussy in attendance and the SPCA said it was the worst case of pussies on fire they had ever seen… In an effort to keep the saga of DK to a minimum, some shit went down in August of 2014 causing the remaining three girls to call it quits. The album was still released in October of 2014 (praise him!) allowing us all to receive the blessing that is “All in a Day’s Work”, but this looked like the end.

With some help of pixie dust, sacrificial Prada bags, and an angry letter to Obama, our prayers were answered. On March 29th, 2015, O’Day and Bex announced their new project titled dumblonde and their plans to create an experimental dance album. I will admit, I was the biggest skeptic, not because of any lack of talent, but because “dance” is so overdone. I was wrong, the whole world was wrong!

On July 17th, the dolls released a 5 song self-titled EP and the first single and video “White Lightning” immediately caught my attention. I purchased the EP along with the pre-order of the album. As I sat there listening to some of the best music I had heard in a long time, I couldn’t help but draw comparisons to Britney Spears‘s legendary Blackout. I talked my boyfriend’s ear off about them for weeks, and every single one of those songs was on heavy rotation (turn it up, turn it up, turn it up) as I eagerly and impatiently awaited for the full album to be released in September.

Now, this is what this article is about. The reason you have all been waiting for, a sort of review of this collection of cutting-edge tracks that I would have to describe as very editorial, in one word. They captured the essence of vogue that Madonna had made famous, they poured their hearts into this and they used everything they know about fashion and fierceness to do it. These girls found their niche, and I found my go-to upbeat album. Adele can kick rocks with her mopey self, I’m not trying to cry, not today!

The album kicks off with “White Lightning”, the first single, and the video is a black-and-white kaleidoscopic affair that shows the two serving face in the basement of the abandoned RadioShack down the street. I’m kidding! It goes to show that you don’t need a ridiculous budget to make a great video (cough Taylor Swift cough). They look ahhmeeeezing and the song is as epic and well-done as it is experimental. I’m not going to go to lengths describing a fucking song when y’all can just listen.

And then there is “Eyes On Horizon” with its processed vocals as instruments, and what sounds like a theremin that is nothing short of stellar. Seriously, this song has showered with me so many times and is the reason I keep slipping and falling out. They will definitely take you there.

“Are you ready? Are you hiiiiigh?”, they coo as the intro to “love blind” blips into existence. I was not ready, but I was definitely high. This is a futuristic ode to love, or perhaps about the love one finds when fucked out of their minds searching the ground desperately for the cell phone that is in their fanny pack. I swear I’m not projecting… It sounds like a love affair one has for going out and enjoying their night with friends under the judgmental strobe of the lights as the DJ suspends you in his warm embrace. Or maybe its about tacos, who knows, but its great!

My absolute favorite track is “Tender Green Life”, it is experimentation at its best. Processed vocals are used as part of the production, as is the trend we see for this project, and the beat is slick and easy to follow. Who isn’t about that tender green life in today’s climate? That video though! Again, editorial comes to mind to describe the aspects of fashion they are bringing. Another simple visual, but it fits and it is very effective. Can we be friends yet?

As “Remember Me” fades in, we hear waves and then a beachy production suddenly appears are they channel some reggae realness. It is very difficult for me to rank these tracks because I enjoy each of them for different reasons, but this is another one of my favorites. I’m a sucker for the slow jams that are about heartbreak; I’m the reigning slow jam kween, so don’t get it fucked up!

I know you watch me, cause I still watch you/ La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la I want you to remember../ Do you remember?

The Hollywood Hills are alive with the sound of 90’s house, kween! “You Got Me” should be on every circuit queen’s playlist, next to their fans, poppers, and butt lube. These girls will breathe life into your mundane commute with this banger. They chant “dumblonde” over a beat any queen can vogue to, but don’t vogue too big cause that’s how bitches break heels. No one wants to be “that girl”.

Do not ever make a lady wait, like ever. Do you know how long it takes for them to get ready? And make-up has a shelf-life people; the real reason Cinderella had to leave at midnight was because her face was running. He would accumulate several assbeatings before I had the time to write a proper song, but who am I to cast the first stone? The 80’s influences fit perfectly with the vocals and the whole thing is a dreamy ode to that good dick.

I’ll just lie here waiting for you/ Might seem crazy, but that’s what I’ll do…

These trap queens… This is more in line with their days among the ranks of Danity Kane, and that is not a bad thing at all. This song has so many hidden vocals and so many different layers that it grows and changes with each listen. It is spectacular as it completely throws tradition to the wind, we’re left with the desire to dance and be free from whatever might be holding us back.

I’m caged (giving my soul, giving my soul, giving my soul)/ So enraged (giving my soul, giving my soul, giving my soul)/… Yellow canary in a coal mine (renegade)/… I can hear you sing (renegade)

Another one of my favorite songs with my favorite visual from the project. We see Bex and O’Day serving face, body-ody-ody, fashion, and begging everyone to eat cake. As a wise man once said, “I was still starin’ at dem tiddies doe!” I will own those fur coats and those leotards. “Dreamsicle” is exactly how it sounds, a sugary-sweet collection of inspirational words caught in a melty confection of 80’s beats. It was co-written by O’day’s ex boyfriend Travis Garland who has an amazing track titled “Don’t Leave Me Rose”. Like seriously, fuck me this is so good.

You got one life, don’t waste it/ I feel it, I taste it/ So sit back, don’t chase it/ This moment, don’t waste it…/ We won’t wake up, the dream is never done

From the opening chant to the electronic vocal dance break at 1:25 and 2:55, this track is bananas. The use of autotune is never too much, and this is not an easy feat considering the flack that most pop stars get for relying on it. It is a tool that these two use to their advantage and “take away” is another home run. Heartbreak is a constant theme we see throughout this album, but their transformation of that pain into something we can all dance to is endearing.

Take away the pain/ Give me back my heart/ I can’t live without it/ Don’t wanna love again

The visual brings to life the dark, brooding, yet still couture nature that dominates throughout the track, and even album. “carry on” closes out the album and offers much more than a final track. It is the last stop in the journey of love and loss that dumblonde have taken us on. Like the phoenix, they have truly risen from the ashes and created something truly artistic.

Fly again we will in time/ …All the fear is broken now, we stand at the dawn of revolution

The lyrical content, the production, and the visuals come together to form a truly transcendent project. It stands on its own and refuses to hold to any particular genre. I applaud them for creating this; for writing the content of the album, for being involved in the creative process for the videos, and for truly delivering. Do yourselves a favor and listen to it in its entirety.