As everyone was recovering from diabetic shock in the States this weekend, Jolin Tsai took it upon herself to release a flawless new single and music video. “Play” is the first single off of her thirteenth studio album, Play, due out November 15th.

A lot of you are thinking, “WHO?!”, and I kind of am too. She has obviously been around for a while, hence having thirteen studio albums, and she is quite prominent in all parts of Asia. This bitch can dance too. Black Swan who?

The song has a grinding trap-electronic beat, and I can’t really understand a word she has to say, so I brought in a translator from The University of Phoenix. He stated that she was mostly referencing her pussy and it’s poppiness, how she will cut a bitch if they get any crumbs in her bed, and she name drops me a few times.  The whole affair is fabulous!

Between popping bottles of champagne in a diamond filled bathtub, lounging about in her pretty pink mansion, and flashing her minge to the paparazzi at the museum, Ms. Tsai still gets her kegels on at the gym. That is some dedication bro.  Everything about this video extravaganza is working me out. We need some fierceness like this in the states. Instead, we have to deal with the likes of Katy Perry and fucking Nicole Scherzinger. Get a fucking stylist and choreographer! I feel like I’m taking crazy pills…