She is the dancing queen, hangs out with Mr. Bean, only drinks Ovaltine. None of those things are correct, but I’m drunk and ABBA is everything. Somehow, I completely neglected to mention that one of my absolute favorite UK pop stars is releasing her third studio album Only Human on November 7th. The former Girls Aloud member is responsible for some of my absolute favorite jams such as “Amnesia”, “Parachute”, “Heaven”, “Happy Hour”, and the entire track list of her A Million Lights; “Ghetto Baby” makes me want to go to Brooklyn, pick up a random street rough, and flog him until he agrees to be my boothang. I’m not guaranteeing that Cheryl will elicit such a response out of you, but you could only be so lucky!

I am going to be completely honest and say that I am not entirely blown away by her recent single releases, but they cute as hell. Our girl was recently married! After getting fucked over by Ashley Cole (listen to A Million Lights…), Cheryl is finally over him and on to greener pastures; she is happy again! Her music is taking on the sugary sweet quality that has no place in the darkness that is my heart, it goes right to my pancreas…

The first release from the project was “Crazy, Stupid, Love”. The uptempo, yet restrained, saxy number was accompanied by a choreo rich music video that we have come to expect from Cheryl. She was everything. I am fully living for the wind machine, fun dancing, and those hair flips. Take a look for yourself: 

Then we had the zero-fucks-given anthem appropriately titled “I Don’t Care”. Cheryl is getting her potty mouth on and I am just a little more than turned on by it. Basically, Cheryl don’t give a SHIT what bitches say, and she certainly can’t be bothered to even acknowledge Ashley Cole’s existence. The video sees Cheryl getting her sea legs on (insert some nautical pun regarding semen), and having a great time with her gal pals.

S’real cute! 

I’m a ballad bitch, through-and-through. So when I hear one done well, I get snatched. My best friend is always making some comment about me blasting “depressing ass music”, as she delicately puts it. I just want to feel all the feels! So Cheryl got it right when she teased the title track “Only Human”. The song is both dreamy and futuristic. She borrowed Cher’s vocoder to skew the vocals just a tad and it works. “You are the universe…only energy….and we all fall down”, she coos along channeling her inner Barbarella. Judge for yourself: