Music is my boyfriend, music is my girlfriend, music is my imaginary friend….no but seriously, can we just take a second to appreciate how amazing music is? Now that our moment of silence is over, we can begin. 2014 may have taken a huge dump on everyones’ lives, but some pretty awesome music is either on its way, or has already graced our ear balls. Personally, my favorite released this year is Tove Lo’s “Queen of the Clouds”, I digress…. I have compiled a list of the (my) top 10 anticipated future releases, organized by release date.

1.) Taylor Swift – 1989 – 10/27

 

By now, everyone knows that I am not the biggest Taylor Swift fan (save for “Teardrops on my Guitar”, and the J Stax remix of “Love Story”), BUT, I am excited to see what little miss white privilege has in store for us on her debut pop LP. Some of the biggest names in pop have collaborated with Swift including Shellback, Max Martin, Ryan Tedder, Diane Warren (Cher’s “If I Could turn Back Time” and many others), and Jack Antonoff of fun. Maybe she’ll make me a fan…or maybe it is a record that when listened to, brain washes the listener into having an affinity for Starbucks pumpkin spice lattes and Uggs.

2.) Danity Kane – D3 – 10/28

 

Somewhere in the distance, if you listen very carefully, you can make out a faint “YAAAAAAASSSSS”. That would be me y’all hear. In what might be the biggest surprise in 2014, the ladies and gentleman (Aubrey) of Danity Kane, have gone ahead and decided that their third album will be released. If anyone remembers, this happened in August causing the threesome to split. But fret not! The ladies of DK need to make rent, and have spent allllllll they money making this album, so we will get to hear it. First, they served up some “Lemonade”, they got their rhythm on, and finally told us, but that was “All in a Day’s Work”. Let us remember: 

3.) Nick Jonas – Nick Jonas  – 11/11

My future husband, and everyone’s favorite Jonas Brother, Nick Jonas will release his debut solo album (technically second album) on November 11th. I must say that I am quite titulated for this release. Seemingly out of nowhere, Nick released the amazing “Chains” on July 24th, and the world just hasn’t been the same. An actually exciting pop song in 2014?! “Chains”, with its grinding and gritty production, synthy undertones, and effortless confidence is reminiscent of some Justified era Justin Timberlake, aka I ain’t mad ’bout it. Then, he went and stole my heart with “Jealous”, singing “It’s my right to be hellish, I still get jealous”. Nick, I’m sorry I was talking to that boy, but he meant nothing to me, you’re my little cream puff and don’t you forget it! Prepare for you ginis to tingle: 

4.) One Direction – FOUR  – 11/17

Mania. One word for One Direction. This British boy band has captivated the hearts and wallets of tween girls and gay boys alike. I must admit, I have yet to be completely sucked into the One Direction machine, but I can get down to some “That’s What Makes You Beautiful (Dave Aude Remix)”. The band teased the project with the song “Fireproof”, which they uploaded to their website for free for 24 hours on September 8th. The song broke records and sent waves of hysteria through the masses. It was reported that teenage girls and middle aged gay men were sent into a catatonic state and repeatedly muttered “my body is ready”. Meanwhile, the first official single from the LP is the adorably titled “Steal My Girl”. Adorable, because we all know that One Direction is “English” for trade. 

5.) Nicki Minaj – The Pinkprint  – 11/24

Onika, Nicki, NyQuil, whatever you want to call her, will release her third studio album The Pinkprint on November 24th. And biiiiiiiiiitch, I can’t wait, red weave and all. First single “Pills N Potions” didn’t really do it for me, but I can definitely see why she chose to release a single like that. It isn’t a bad song, but it is a kind of departure for Nicki who is used to using shock-tactics to get hits. That being said, we have “Anaconda”, her conspicuously Lil Kim “homage” of a second single. I am a sucker for a filthy song, and who doesn’t love a good tossed salad? The song, along with the artwork, caused quite a stir, and sent shockwaves through the “skinny bitch” community. My anaconda might want some. Come awn Nicki and give me this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ybZD9NXiHkw

6.) Charli XCX – Sucker  – 10/21

The sometimes bratty, often genius, and always entertaining Brit that we have come to love is finally releasing her sophomore effort Sucker. By now, everyone has heard her infectious first single from the project, “Boom Clap”, which is not about catching VD as one might assume. Second single, “Break The Rules”, is an ode to teenage angst and substance abuse (haaay), which is quite all right as it turns out. Her most recent release from the project is the “London Queen”, that follows in the same footsteps as “Break The Rules”, but just a tad on the lighter side. Pretty soon we will all be chanting and singing along in our cars as we text, put on make-up, and attempt to not be all over the road.

7.) Azealia Banks – Broke With Expensive Taste – TBA 

“I’m the swami, hyphy hip-cat…when I dyke with a bitch-that’s spicy! Get that!” Azealia raps to the 2013 graduating class of Harvard Law. “You know, she really set my pussy on fire”, quotes Buffy Overmayer, a graduate who was in attendance. You could not be more right Buffy or Becky or whomever. Azealia has released some truly amazing music and has been prepping her debut LP, Broke With Expensive Taste, since around 2011. Why hasn’t it seen the light of day? Well, Ms. Banks is kind of a wretched bitch… Homegirl has burned more bridges than Ghengis Khan, and no one likes to work with her. Still, she is quite the talent and when she learns to shut her mouth, at least on social media, then things would run a bit more smoothly. I am certain that once things align and a proper release is made, that Azealia will do truly great things. Until then: 

8.) Hilary Duff – TBA – TBA

First she was Lizzie McGuire, then she came clean, then she got all mature with love, now she doesn’t give any folks. Hilary Duff might seem like a random mention, but she has some amazing pop songs and albums under her belt. My favorite, of course, is 2007’s Dignity, which saw Hilskiz coming into her own and trying on something a little more sexy. With some help from the super talented Richard Vission, Duff really turned up the wow factor for this album. It was an album that stood out in the pop world, especially at this time, and it’s elements still remain relevant in today’s Top 40. This time around Duff is opting for something a bit more folky, ditching the dance floor, at least for her first two singles. The result? Not bad, but neither “Chasing the Sun” nor “All About You” are anywhere near as good as “Stranger“.

I guess .

Now take me to church Hilary: 

9.) Gwen Stefani – TBA – TBA

We all know that Gwen is afuckin-acookin-upa somethin’! She’s done making babies, and wants to make donuts and pastries, and it’s time for her to make us sweat. As the new addition to The Voice, Gwen has been slaying, and obviously gearing up to release some new music. There have been rumors circulating for months, but there have been no confirmations as of yet. It IS definitely on its way, and soon. We haven’t gotten any new solo music from the L.A.M.B Empress since 2006, so this is exciting news bitches. Meanwhile, the last No Doubt album was highly underrated, I am so here for “Looking Hot”, “Heaven”, and “Easy”. This should tide you over until the official return: 

10.) Adele – TBA – TBA

Last, but certainly not least, we have Adele. Queen of the deep and rolling in it, turner of tables, fiery rain enthusiast, chaser of pavements, and Goddess of Soul. This bitch… She shut down the motherfucking GAME back in 2011 with the release of her sophomore effort 21. Aptly named for how many millions of pussies it set ablaze. Meanwhile, home girl had some surgery on her vocal cords, recovered fantastically, and has been holed up in the studio crafting hits and putting a hurting on some waffles. Seriously everyone was expecting a 2014 Q4 release from her, but unfortunately this happened. It could be a ploy, it could be the truth. Either way, girl hurry up. People are breaking up and need songs to cry to while they eat way too much nutella and increase their risk of diabetes. You know….